I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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