When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
