thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
