You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
