Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
