I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
