that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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