I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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