is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
