i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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