I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
