I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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