i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
