When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
