moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
