I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
