It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
oh god was she eating orange peels again
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
