why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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