Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
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she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
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Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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