He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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