If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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