I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
