One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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