the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.