Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
