he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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