Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
