just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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