I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
