So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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