Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
