And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Drunk is not a location!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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