If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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