I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
