I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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