i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
