just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
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any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
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If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Sorry about my life...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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