All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Your cock deserves a montage
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
