Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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