Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
