OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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