i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
