btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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