Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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