Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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