we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
