k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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