I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
