I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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