Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
