and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
