I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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