Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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