Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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