I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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