When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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