the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize