Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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