if only i could text you this smell
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
