i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
