i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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