one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
