Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
