She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
