His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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