I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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