Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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