I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
