There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Text me some of your sweat
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize