I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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