Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
