Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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