I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
